Friday, February 20, 2009

Back Home

Well, I've been back home with the snows for a week now and once again am buried with work and what life is left when I put it aside. We had a wonderful time in St. Thomas. Our hosts were wonderful to be with and generous not only with sharing their time and their home with us but also allowing us to do what we wanted most -- spend our days at the beach in Magens Bay soaking up the sun, swimming in the ocean, reading books and otherwise relaxing. We ate dinners in and out, attended church and Bible Study at the Cathedral Church of All Saints, went to see Milk at the local movie theater, and attended a Arts Society concert featuring the young British pianist, Richard Ormrod. We also had long talks about life, love, politics, church, etc.

When I go on vacation I take a big bag of books and select volumes more or less on a whim. Often, however, some connecting themes emerge even though my selections are pretty random. What I ended up reading this time were the following: To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee (our book club's selection for this month), Brushed by the Butterfly's Wings by E. Scott Tapscott ("Scottie," a friend of our hosts). Taft by Ann Patchett, The Mission Song by John le Carre, and a good chunk of Leap by Terry Tempest Williams.

Someday I might write about some of the thoughts that percolated up during vacation, but alas there is much to catch up on here. Also, my husband and I have begun a strict diet in hopes of not only losing a lot of excess weight but also mitigating some of our health problems that may be caused by or aggravated by the weight and poor nutrition.

I also hope that it will give me more energy, help me get back to exercising (I love to swim laps but the thought of getting dressed, driving to the pool, and appearing in a bathing suit has kept me away for most of the past year), and taking longer walks with our dog, Gracie. Despite what had to be the dream vacation of all time, I am still quite depressed -- not the jump off a building kind (I've learned over the years not to let my mind take me to that place, though sometimes I come close) but rather just feeling tired, flat, dull, irritable, with repressed anger and much cynicism, all aggravated by sleeping too much (been sleeping 12 hours or more at night, even on vacation), going to work in the morning without getting up and getting dressed until late in the day, rarely going out and feeling anxious and uncomfortable around people when I do, taking way too much time to get ready to do anything, etc. If I stop to think about how I feel and have been living, I go to darker places of frustration, hopelessness, and self-loathing, so I try not to think too much -- which causes me to sleep more and more or run to bed and try to. I've been back on anti-depressants now for several months, but that hasn't seemed to have helped much (though I suspect I might be much worse off without them).

So... here's hoping that things will get better with the new diet regime and what I've been learning about blood sugar levels. I've been plotting in my mind a new daily routine that would include getting up early to go walk at the local shopping mall (they open early in the winter for people to walk) followed by mass at St. Margaret's and spending some more time with the nuns, who will be leaving next summer, and then maybe trying to get away to swim at lunch time. But... it's been a week so far and it hasn't happened yet and there is a lot of work to catch up on and to start preparing for attending and presenting at my employer's annual conference in Seattle next month, and there are books piling up to read, and soccer games and practices and tournaments to attend and.... not to mention getting caught up someday with the goings on in the blogosphere (though not sure how much of the As the Anglican World Turns I need to read up on -- like most soap operas, one can pretty much jump in the middle after being gone for weeks and still not miss much). So..... that's the update. La plus ca change and all that.

1 comment:

+clumber said...

Yea! Klady's back! I'll summarize all you've missed...


MP has his eyes on a new post, asks for prayers.
Others are sick/injured too, need prayers.
+Clumber is dog tired.
+Maya is trying to boost JaneR's spirits.
+Rowan says we aren't playing enough.
Mimi is, well, Mimi.
Something or other about Brian McLaren and evangelism.
Some other stuff.

Okay, you're all caught up.

You're welcome